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As I’ve thought about coming back to this, it’s occurred to me repeatedly how unfortunately fitting, how ironic, how sickly sadistically portentous it was to have launched off in the direction I did.

If only I’d known.

God knew.

Isn’t that what we say? Isn’t that what we believe? If it were a different kind of thing, we’d call it a joke. But to call it that–it being what it is–might make it sound like God’s a cruel bastard.

Maybe it is a joke. I don’t think I think that God’s a cruel bastard.

But consider that the Father is fatherless and the Son, well, they always wondered about Him, didn’t they? And, if you’re a believer, you’d have to say His Daddy wasn’t the man His mama married, wouldn’t you? I’m just sayin’.

As for the cruel part, again, ultimately I don’t believe He is. At least not most of the time. Sometimes I wonder. Maybe there’s a part of me that always wonders. It would be dishonest (and maybe a little melodramatic) to say that it’s what I believe; but it’s equally dishonest to deny that I often–especially lately–feel it.

O me of little faith.


Twitter Updates

  • In case the fearful end up killing us all, know that there were some here who loved & dreamed & gave freely. #MessageToVoyager #gishwhes 1 month ago
  • Life is pregnant with possibility. Go make some babies, so to speak. 1 month ago
  • I guess what I mean to say is that whether there's a @gishwhes or not, what gishwhes is about is the sorts of things we should do anyway. 1 month ago
  • Getting help, starting and ending with joy, being involved, giving, taking chances, being you, etc. 1 month ago
  • It also strikes me that the best way to get pregnant for the tenth time reflects the sorts of values intrinsic to @gishwhes itself. 1 month ago
  • I hope that's not a disappointment. 1 month ago
  • equally applies to getting pregnant just one time--and, really, to living life well (in my opinion, at least) aside from being preggers. 1 month ago
  • You might have noticed that everything I've said about the best way to get pregnant for the tenth time, aside from the "first nine" bit, 1 month ago
  • So that's what I've got: 1) the first nine precede the tenth; 2) get help; 3) start with relationship and joy. 1 month ago
  • That's the essential bit, right? Until you've been pregnant the nine times, you can't get to the tenth. 1 month ago