With the same finger you might use to fly the universal symbol for defiance and violent disdain (yes, that; yes, the), you can instead bring peace, harmony, cooperation and communication to the world. With little more strength than you possess in your daintiest appendage (the pinkie, I mean), you can control–yea, even hold back–one (perhaps many) of man’s mightiest implements of mass destruction. All that with a single finger on your left hand.
One simple device grants you such power.
I refer, of course, to the noble turn signal–overlooked, underused, quite often despised and prejudicially ignored. I’m convinced that this erstwhile lowly afterthought of automotive genius is one of man’s crowning achievements. I believe that its habitual and rightful employment would significantly improve the condition of this sick, sad world. Who knows, we might even hasten the second coming. O yes. For reals.
I can’t say for sure that it was one of my proudest moments, but I was certainly quite proud and felt an unusual warmth in my soul the day I witnessed my grown-up daughter express her own ardent affection for this underestimated instrument of pure goodness. It went something like this (note that the actual dialog is somewhat interpolated and may be a mash up of more than one instance; there have been a few):
Christine (speaking with uncommon conviction to the rude driver ahead of her on the road): “A turn signal would have been nice. Does your fancy car not have them?”
Me (hopefully): “So, you feel pretty strongly about turn signals?”
Christine (incredulous that I would even ask): “Duh.”
Me (barely containing giddiness but wanting to be sure): “Well, it’s just that so many people don’t quite recognize how important they are.”
(Brief pause.)
Christine: “I’m not an idiot. They prevent accidents. They’re a means of communication. Th-”
Me (unintentionally–in my exuberance–and ironically acting like the cause of our frustration by cutting her off): “They’re a way to be polite to your fellow drivers. . . .”
(Conversation continues. By this time I’m glowing and hoping she doesn’t notice my inordinate enthusiasm. It embarrasses her when I’m too proud.)
Perhaps it’s to be expected. My devotion has surely spanned more years than she’s been alive. I did help teach her to drive and before that she was a frequent passenger when I drove. But it’s not the kind of thing I remember making a big deal of. Her recollection might be different (sigh; it often is). Really, though, the turn signal is almost something I take for granted. You’re going to turn? You’re about to change lanes? You signal your intentions. To do otherwise would be akin to taking your hands off the steering wheel and closing your eyes while you accelerate. Sure it could be done. It probably is done . . . by idiots.
Maybe it’s even genetic. Or maybe she’s just wise. I don’t know, but whatever its cause, it’s one of many things about her that make me happy. And it’s one of those things that convinces me that we share DNA.
So convinced am I of the worth of this glorious and brilliant light amidst the sea of darkness that is the American roadway, so committed am I to the cause of its proper appreciation and use that, I pledge to you, this isn’t the post that I write about turn signals; this is, in fact, merely the introduction to a recurring feature in this blog. Indeed, in my mind, this is a spiritual issue. You heard me. I have much to say about the turn signal–much, especially if you’re scoffing even now, that you need to hear.
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Mon - 2008/08/04 at 08:47
Brett Tilford
hahaha! Completely outrageous!
Mon - 2008/08/04 at 09:29
joelmw
Thanks, man. The scariest part is that I’m pretty much being sincere. 🙂
I do worry that I might be a sort of pharisee of the turn signal. Seriously. I’ve decided, as I imply in the last paragraph of my main post, that it embodies many of my core values. Yeah, I can accept murderers and adulterers, barely batting an eye, but self-absorbed hot-rodders who weave in and out of traffic without even exercising the decency to let us know where they’re going (’cause they don’t know, of course; they want to keep their options open), well, let’s just say it’s difficult. Signal-less driving is a form of vehicular rape, perhaps, and a kind of homicide, on some level (quite literal, potentially). God bless them, though. God bless them. Forgive them and have mercy on them, Lord, for I suspect that they truly know not what they do. But mercy might include personal property damage or imprisonment, right? I guess I have to leave that to the Lord.
Mon - 2008/08/04 at 22:23
Christine
Wow… so I say “duh” in your recollection of our conversations? I don’t remember that word really being a part of my vocabulary since… well… a very long time ago. 🙂
Tue - 2008/08/05 at 06:22
joelmw
Indeed, my recollection is admittedly very subjective. You probably didn’t say it that way, but that’s the way that it sounded in my head, at least as I recollected a plausible dialog. 😉
This is one of the reasons I don’t think I ever could have been a historian (or maybe why I don’t trust historians, ’cause I’m not convinced they’re generally any better) . . . and my self-consciousness about it keeps me from writing memoir or autobiography. The world is not so much a collection of facts but of feelings and tidal surges of sensation.
In any case, I hope that you don’t feel like you’ve been portrayed in an uncomplimentary light. I don’t mean to. If nothing else, I come across goofier–as is right, but still. And among genetics and environment, I do suggest wisdom as a possible source of your proper perspective. And that wisdom is implied (though perhaps very subtly) to be a much broader and deeper thing than the peculiar fixation that accounts for my views on this important issue.
Maybe I’m making it worse. I think I’ll stop for now.
Fri - 2008/08/22 at 06:41
RT
Is saying “My devotion has surely spanned more years than she’s been alive.” similar to saying “I’ve forgotten more things than you even know”? 😉
Fri - 2008/08/22 at 08:12
joelmw
Oh yeah.
Wed - 2008/09/03 at 11:29
gbeddingfield
Joel: This (and the one to Kyle) are probably my most favorite things that you have written. I’m glad to see that you’re writing. I loved the narrative, the grand scale used to frame such a small thing, etc. I could even fathom it being re-cast into character development in a larger plot.
Turn signals are pretty much “good manners.” And I heard someone else once say, “Manners is how you show respect to others”
Peace,
Gabriel
Wed - 2008/09/17 at 11:54
Ryon Fuqua
Funny how the lack of use of that (THE) middle finger by one driver is often compensated for by other drivers on the same road. It’s like water seeking its own level. The number usages of the middle finger will always stay the same in any case. It’s good to know these things take care of themselves.
Wed - 2009/01/14 at 20:03
toar
you know, my morning admonition to my wife: “check your blinkers.” is a homage to the need for checking ones blind spot and using ones blinker, aka. turn signal. I do not see it as a crowning achievement; rather as another of the examples of the need to control the chaos that is human interaction with human tools. Still ones breast must burst with pride when ones offspring embraces technology.
Thu - 2009/01/15 at 07:46
Joel
@Ryon: um, I’m speechless. You awe and inspire me, bro. Truly.
@Toar: I think I may have to stand by my assertion. Yeah, it was a little tongue in cheek, but when I consider the madness that is the motor vehicle–that coffiny cocoon, capsule of isolation, emblem of American power hunger and dysfunctional individualism–and the ameliorative impact of those friendly little lights, well, yeah, turn signals rock.
Of course, there are other feats of human engineering by which I am probably overly impressed. I won’t mention those for fear of ruining my case. But, again, it’s not the engineering per se, but the values that it embodies.